There are many reasons that children get taken away from their homes.  They suffer abuse, are neglected, parents die and siblings can’t take care of them.  But I think the worst one is when parents just don’t want to deal anymore.  Sure, having a child is hard work, it involves sacrifice, commitment, no sleep, strain on the marriage, pukey clothes, dirty diapers.  But it also brings so much joy!  Seeing those bright eyes just fixed on your face, completely in love with you, hearing that little giggle when you make funny faces or noises, watching them learn new things and become more independant, or just feeling their hand on your face, just resting there.

However, there are some people that should not be and cannot be parents.  Being a “parent” is not just getting knocked up and carrying the baby for 9 months.  Any idiot can do that.  What I guess some don’t realize is that it really is a life long commitment.  And what you do to that child when they are small is going to affect them forever in ways that you can’t even imagine.  I still have trust issues, sometimes I feel threatened by stupid, silly actions, I’m scared to death that I will feel harmful feelings against my own son.  If people really knew how scarring it is for a child to be moved from home to home, away from their parents, maybe, just maybe, they’d suck it up and try to take care of their own.

So normally we leave the warm humidity of Houston and go up to the frozen tundra of Chicago the day after Christmas and stay until New Years.  This year we are staying here to experience all that is the wonderful after Christmas time.  I have to admit at first all I did was complain about how the two Christmases were the the same, how the feelings were different, how the people were not the same, how the traditions were different.  But I have to accept the fact that life changes and I have to turn develop traditions with my own family.  I hate change.  But Life changes everyday and I have to accept it and go with it.  So I am going to try to keep a happy heart and look forward to starting traditions with my son and husband that hopefully will stick for the rest of our lives.  

Let’s talk parent to parent.  Or how about teacher to parent.  YOU need to PARENT your CHILD.  It is not my job to do it for you!  My job is to teach your child the information they need to know and then YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE THE SKILLS AT HOME.  It is also your job to teach them life skills, good manners and good social skills.  I get so irritated when parents send their kids to me expecting me to be their parent.  I love all the kids but, I do have my own kid to worry about.  Parent your child.  Please.  Or in addition to my salary, pay me what I charge to be a nanny.

Happy 4 month birthday, Noah!  we went to the doctor monday and he got more shots and measured and all that.  he is doing wonderful.  he is now 26 1/2 inches, weighs 15.34lbs and his head is finally catching up in size with the rest of his body!  he can finally start eating solid foods and i’m excited, yet panicked at the same time that my little baby is growing up and it seems so fast!  i can’t believe he’s starting solid foods already!  eek!!!

So I learned today from two parents of one of the children in my class that patience is the key to everything.  They asked me to continue to have patience with their child who is struggling in my class and to give her time.  I didn’t realized how impatient I was actually being.  I was just so concerned with getting her to where I thought she should be that I totally disregarded all the progress that she had made already made.  She shouldn’t be where I think she should be, but where she can realistically be. I need to swallow my pride and pay more attention to loving and nurturing her.  

I’ve been back in school for almost a month now and I still don’t have a routine down for anything.  Pretty much when I come home, I put Noah down, or hold him while he sleeps, try to do school work, eat and go to bed.  My days are flying by so ridiculously fast, yet I don’t know what I am doing with them.  I think I’m finally used to being back at work. I was feeling really guilty about working and not being at home taking care of the baby.  But at least he still remembers who I am  Just pray that I get into a rhythm before I loose my head.  

Lord, grant me gratitude instead of selfishness, happiness instead of anger and love instead of maliciousness.                                                                                   Amen. 

i was way too tired.  that seems to be my excuse for everything these days, but unfortunately it’s true.  i feel like i live just to sleep again.  which i guess is normal right now, but next week i start school and it’s up at 530 for me and i’m going to try to be in bed by 1030.  which also means that on three nights of the week, i won’t get to see michael before i go to bed and i hope that doesn’t put strain on us.  i don’t know how working moms do it.  i hope i don’t crash and burn.  noah is wonderful, a great joy and so much fun, but can i be a good mom, wife and teacher?  i hope so.  pray for me during the next couple of months as i try to keep my sanity.  

I try to not act like I’m a single mom, but sometimes I can’t help it.  For the past 7 years, the model of parenting that I have is my mother, who is a widow raising 2 little boys.  So I am heavily influenced by the single mom lifestyle.  This of course poses a because I am not a single mom.  I am married to the guy who is my baby daddy.  Not only do I act like a single mom, but I treat him like a child as well.  Maybe I shouldn’t do that anymore.  I guess I feel like I have all the answers and am the only one that knows what the right things to do are and my way is the only way.  Not only does that put strain on my marriage, but it also is a lot of work for me to do.  Even when I leave him with his dad and I go out, I tend to worry about Noah, wanting to make sure his dad does it exactly like I do.  But it’s good that we are two different people with two different ways of thinking and acting and handling things.  If I wanted to marry myself, I would have.  So now I’m trying to be more aware of my actions.  It doesn’t mean that I suddenly am perfect and have this under control, but at least it is getting better.  We had this big talk last night and everything that was on both of our minds and hearts came out on the table and it felt really good to not only say what I had to say, but to hear what needed to be said to me.  It’s all going to be ok.